Here in my car
I feel safest of all
I can lock all my doors
It’s the only way to live
In cars

It came as a surprise to a couple of my friends that I name my cars, so here’s a list. It bears mention that I rarely actually call my cars by their names (except Buzz, for some reason.)

My first car was an 80s model Nissan Sentra, I forget which year exactly. My friends gave it the name “Porta-Pete.” This breakthrough achievement was very important to my friends, who had been giving me rides everywhere for many moons by this point. I drove it for six months with no insurance, expired tags, and no driver’s license. (Photo not actual car. Mine was tan.)

My second car, which was tagged, insured, and driven legally, was a blue 1969 Chevy Impala. His name was Vlad. I learned some basic auto maintenance on that car, such as how to do a brake job, change the oil, etc. I drove it cross-country from Los Angeles when I moved to the Chicago area and got engaged. I left the Porta-Pete abandoned in my former apartment complex’s parking lot. (Photo also not actual car, but exactly the same. Only mine was dirtier.)

I traded it for a white ‘89 Ford Escort, which we named Buzz, for its resemblance to Buzz Lightyear, and also as a reference to the noise the tiny 90 hp engine made. Driving in the snow in this car was WAY different than Vlad. I put snow tires on the front of this car and had a blast in the snow from that point forward.

After that, we bought a two-tone ‘89 Toyota Pickup, and we put snow tires on that as well. In the movie Cannibal: The Musical, there is a group of Japanese people pretending to be Indians. Not Native Americans, but stereotypically offensive cowboys-and-indians Indians, complete with horribly decorated tee-pees. The chief asks, “You do not believe we are.. Indians?” making a warpaint gesture on his cheeks. The comedy of Japanese “small car” auto manufacturers trying to enter the pick-up truck market struck us much the same way, and so I named the truck Chief. Buzz sat in the parking lot for a long time, having been driven into the ground. We donated him to charity.

After a while, Chief started to have repeated problems due to poor maintenance and lack of funds. He was replaced by a gift from my then-grandmother-in-law, a blue ‘96 Oldsmobile Ciera. She had offered to buy us a cheap car, and while my fiancee and I did some research and came up with a couple of reliable choices for the price range she had in mind ($3k, she said), she instead went and purchased this Oldsmobile (for $6k, she said. bluebook: $3k. I never did figure that woman out.) This car lasted a few years, thanks to at least a couple relative-funded repairs. It saw my honeymoon trip out to the Jersey shore, and more than one trip between Chicago, Ohio, and West Virginia. When my wife and I moved to Ohio, we sold Chief to her brother’s friend for $100 just to be rid of it. A year later, when I left my wife in Ohio, I agreed to purchase the car from her. I drove it cross-country back to Orange County. A number of months later, I sent her my payment, and that was that.

My current car is a blue ‘04 Hyundai Tiburon. My friend Heather named her Michelle. No particular reason, she just announced one day that the car seemed like a Michelle and it stuck. The Oldsmobile was sold to my mother (”Hey mom, want a cheap car?”), but it immediately needed repairs in excess of the amount she was going to pay me, so I waived it because I felt bad.

…

What’s in store for the future? I anticipate getting a different car in about three or four years. I think my next car will be something in the lower-end luxury class, with an automatic transmission. Stick has been fun but it can be a lot of work. There’s some BMW 3 series out there from a few years ago that seem pretty nice, but there’s an awful lot of BMWs in Orange County. If I test drive one and it’s wonderful, I may not care about that, though.

Sooner than that, though, I plan to get a cheap standard-type motorcycle to learn on. Maybe later I’ll get something bigger in a “touring” model bike. Taking bike trips to interesting places sounds appealing to me and I’d like to try it. I’d also love to learn how to take care of a motorcycle properly, once I’m living somewhere with a proper garage for tools and equipment.

- Pete

Skullcrusher Mountain

Possibly the only country song on my entire playlist (if you don’t count Islands in the Stream. I don’t.) The tale of a kidnapped woman and the mad scientist who thinks she ought to fall in love with him (or ELSE.) His most twisted romance song.

Mandelbrot Set

Catchy and nerdy. A nice little upbeat tune that’s a little more complicated than your average nice little upbeat tune.

I Feel Fantastic

A song about popping pills to make everything better. The touch of irony is light and fluffy, not too heavy. Fast and upbeat, like the last one.

So Far So Good

A slow, quiet, pleasant little song that shows off his songwriting. I like it, anyhow. (No free download)

Code Monkey

Possibly the most well-known JoCo song. It has nice structure, even if it’s a little pop-ish. Great lyrics that I think a lot of geeks can identify with. (No free download)

The Future Soon

Good comedy in this song, and such an enjoyable tune. He really is in top form when he’s telling a story. (No free download)

Still Alive

He doesn’t have this one up at his site because it was a commission by Valve Software, for the game Portal. However, here’s a YouTube copy.

Speaking of terrorism, the presidential election is creeping up on us. I’m happy to report that after nearly two years, I finally obtained my California driver’s license (I was driving around on my Ohio license until now, which technically wasn’t legal.) I also registered to vote, and I registered Libertarian.

Still, I think I’ll be voting Ron Paul. He may not really be as much of a social liberal as I prefer, but he does seem to understand the concepts of fiscal conservatism and reduction of government, and I think where we are now could use some reduction. Only one problem:

He wants to take us out of Iraq immediately.

He believes our meddling in the middle east and other countries is what causes terrorist groups to target us. Perhaps. I’m willing to give it a try, but I have a few issues with it.

Firstly, I believe a sudden withdrawal from Iraq will allow for extremist groups to attempt to take control. I don’t see any reason why another Baath-style organization won’t produce the next “president” of Iraq and erase any progress we’ve made there.

Secondly, I’m not so ignorant as to think the world’s countries will behave themselves if left alone. I fully believe most countries would gleefully acquire nuclear, chemical, and biological warfare abilities and force the rest of the world to deal with them on a basis that is out of proportion with their true importance in global politics.

Anyhow, these sort of things concern me, but the most he could serve is 8 years, and I think ultimately he could do more good for us than would be harmed by 8 years of not attacking other countries. Who knows?

- Pete

TRANSFORMERS Fan Poll

A new generation is experiencing TRANSFORMERS for the first time. How many TF items have you purchased since 6/2 for a relative or friend under 10 years old?

Wait, what? What kind of brain-dead marketing department thought this question up? Since 6/2? for relatives or friends? under 10? ugh.

Also hilarious: Both the Honda Civic and the Jaguar XK Alternators were released as Wal-Mart exclusives. Why these two models?

A kitten, specifically. My mother took him in after being found by her building security. He seems to be about 8 weeks old, and is in healthy condition (besides ear mites, fleas, and parasites.. not unexpected for a stray!) Luckily a visit to the vet has all of that wrapped up now.

Say hello to Sanspoof.

So then I buy the new Paper Mario for the Wii and wtf.. It took 15 minutes of rapid-fire text skipping to get past the intro story and actually start playing world 1-1. And every major world change (2-1) comes with another 5+ minute interlude. WTF. It’s a Mario game.. there’s no story! Just save the princess! good grief..

Zelda was no exception. I must have spent hours in the first area of Twilight Princess and it was BORING AS SHIT. The only thing keeping me playing the game was the Zelda name. Had it been a lesser title, I would have quit right there. I guess that doesn’t matter to them since they already have my money.. but geez.. can you put forth at least a little effort to hook your player at the beginning?

moving on.

I gotta say the recent attempts at a “forced meme” in the advertising world are driving me batty. The skittles berries and cream idiot is just one example.. but the one that nearly has me changing the channel is “He went to Jared”.. it’s painfully obvious they’re tooting their own horn, nobody that -I- know of would give two shits which bargain jeweler you went to for your ring. The campaign has “backfire” written all over it. I hope it dies.

anyhow…

A couple weeks ago the primary HDD on my gaming system failed. It was replaced on warranty.. During that process I upgraded to Windows Vista.. short story: It’s very nice looking, does definitely like to hog ram, requires a halfway decent video card, and is total, absolute shit for PC gaming. If your game uses Punkbuster, in particular, you can expect extended periods of 10fps while it does god knows what (this happens every 5 minutes or so), and on occasion, total system lockups that last 5+ seconds (this happens every 10 minutes or so.) If you’re flying a jet or a chopper in BF2, for example, say hello to the ground. It wants to be your friend. Anyhow, I’m back on Windows XP now until Vista gets their shit together.

- Pete

Edit: It’s actually a starburst commercial, not a skittles commercial.  Just goes to show — I remembered the singing idiot, but not the product.

Somewhere around second grade, my teacher presented the class with an activity that was intended to demonstrate how we were all unique and special. We were supposed to ask questions that divided us up on a tree diagram until we had each reached our own branch on the tree by ourselves. I had learned approximately five Spanish words from my neighbors just a few days before and I was tremendously proud of myself, and so I helpfully offered the first division: Those that spoke one language on this side of the graph, those that spoke more than one on the other.

It was a very lopsided first division — there were perhaps five of us on the “more than one side.” Including myself. The teacher asked me what other language I spoke, and asked me to say a few things and I claimed I was too embarrassed.. She thankfully let the issue drop pretty quickly.

The tone for the rest of the class activity was set — people continued to divide the sub-groups by talent and ability and we didn’t resort to physical characteristics until we were nearing the very end and the teacher herself suggested “boys” and “girls” as a division to split up some pesky remaining few people. She even remarked on the fact that none of us had thought about that one yet, even though the pictures on the graph had a boy on the left and a girl on the right, and that pretty much every class so far had always started with that division. I’m sure she thought we were all somehow a very enlightened class that had discarded the various unimportant qualities as candidates for the exercise. Closer to the truth is simply that children are highly suggestible, and I had boasting to do.

The memory of this day is burned somewhere into my mind — I can play it back at will, and with clarity. Somehow, I think not being exposed in my lie was worse. I wonder about myself at that age, about the need to create an elitist group in a second grade class (though we were only elite for a couple hours, the length of a second grader’s short term memory.) I think this is one of my earliest memories that expose my childhood depression.

Despite being only seven years old at the time, I still haven’t forgiven myself for turning five words of Spanish into “speaks more than one language.” Some of my friends may have seen me get upset about people who distort the truth in order to brag.. I think it’s because I’m still angry at myself.

- Pete

Then, what should catch my eye in my left mirror, but a red one of the exact same model?

Then, across the intersection, I spy a yellow one!

Yellow never belongs on a car, sorry. At any rate, I felt like I was smack in the middle of some sort of Crayola-sponsored event. About two streets later, I also saw a black one.. of an earlier model year.

Which of course created a great printing joke I couldn’t pass up.

- Pete!